UK Holiday Resorts ‘Infested’ With Middle Class Tw*tsNewsBiscuit

Much to the horror of regular holiday makers, the middle class have been descending upon UK beaches and holiday resorts desperate to pretend it is ‘just like’ their usual foreign holiday.

Like many nauseating middle class families, Ingrid and Thomas usually take a half term break to the Algarve with their three children, Atticus, Ruben and Cassius – but this year have been forced to slum it at a UK holiday resort.

‘We had heard horrible things about staying in the UK and if anything it is even worse than we imagined’ explains a tearful Ingrid ‘poor Atticus visibly retched when he had to use the public lavatories by the seafront and Cassius cried into his Mr Whippy when he realised it wasn’t organic. It’s been a real shock for all of us to see how poor people holiday. But the boys have been so brave – quality family time is what matters to them really’.

Ruben, the eldest of the three children, says: ‘It’s total sh*t. The people here make me feel physically sick. I cannot wait to go home’.

Thomas, an investment banker, sees this holiday as ‘giving back’ to the community: ‘I loved seeing the faces of the working class as we rocked up in our BMW iX3 with premier edition trim and aerodynamic alloy wheels, what a treat for them. They’re so grateful we are investing in their local economy, splashing our cash at the ice cream van and the local coffee shop. Of course the coffee and ice cream taste like total sh*t, but that isn’t the point. It’s about supporting these local business. I’m basically like Gandhi around here’.

The Smith family, who have been holidaying in the UK since 2008, aren’t quite so positive about the newcomers: ‘What an awful bunch of middle class tw*ts. The place is bloody infested with these jumped up arseholes. We can’t wait until restrictions are lifted and they can all bugger off abroad again. All they do is clog up the bloody coffee shop and ice cream van – no they don’t do sodding frapiato-mocha-chino or homemade organic ice cream. Now piss off’.

Comments: 6

  1. Il Paese di Ciribì

    Holiday park Villaggio Il Paese di Ciribì is centrally located in the Italian Riviera of Flowers. Located at the edge of the seaside town of Ceriale, this lovely campsite has a swimming pool and various facilities. With the water park and the sea nearby, this will be a holiday filled with sun and water fun! 

    The facilities at Holiday park Villaggio Il Paese di Ciribì
    For your relaxation:

    • Swimming pool with jacuzzi
    • Sun deck with lounge chairs
    • Restaurant and bar

    In order to get a little exercise in, you can go to the following with or without your kids:

    • Playground
    • Sports facilities for ping pong, (beach)volley ball and bowls

    Your stay at Holiday park Villaggio Il Paese di Ciribì
    You will stay in a bungalow during your holiday. There are 3 different types available accommodating a maximum of either 4, 5 or 6 people. The bungalows are simply furnished and all have 1 or 2 bedrooms (regardless of the type). They also all have a private terrace allowing you to enjoy the Italian outdoors. Click the 'view the bungalow' tab for more information.

    The area surrounding Holiday park Villaggio Il Paese di Ciribì
    This shaded holiday park is in a wooded area. Ceriale is the closest seaside town. This town is known for its fantastic "Le Caravelle" water park. This park, which promises hours of fun in the water, is only 100 metres from Holiday park Villagio Il Paese di Cribì. It has a number of swimming pools, slides and crazy rivers. The beach is only about 1 kilometre further away, so it won't take you long to get to the beach and cool down in the refreshing Mediterranean. If you fancy visiting some of the nearby towns, we recommend Savronga, the small harbour town of Albenga, Monte Carlo or the famous San Remo.

    You've come to the right place if you're looking for a fantastic holiday on the Italian Riviera of Flowers!

    Holiday park Villaggio Il Paese di Ciribì welcomes you and hopes you enjoy a lovely stay in this sunny place. You will have a fantastic time on the Riviera of Flowers with the water park, sea, beach, charming towns and seaside resorts nearby!

    Aqua park approx. 10/06 – 03/09
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  2. La Coste Rouge

    Your family will never be bored at the small and bustling La Coste Rouge campsite! And the location is also great: 1000 meters from the Mediterranean Sea, between the resort of Argelès-sur-Mer and the colourful Collioure and the campsite is only 25 kilometers from the Spanish border. Old Catalan villages, the Dalí Museum and even Barcelona is possible for a day trip. There is a good mix between beach, water sports, seaside resorts, culture, cities and culinary delights from both French and Spanish cuisine!

    A day at Camping La Coste Rouge This southernmost region of France is also the hottest region with around 300 days of sunshine a year. The swimming pool at Coste Rouge is therefore very appealing! A nice splash in the large pool or with a shot on the slide into the smaller pool. Little ones will splash around in the paddling pool and adults can relax in the hot tub. The cheerful animation team is ready to entertain your children, the children will make friends quickly! You now have some spare time for fitness or you can grab cup of coffee in the bar. And you can go off to the beach in the afternoon? You have plenty of time ... the camping restaurant will take care of your food in the evening.

    Out Not far from Camping La Coste Rouge you will find the artists' village of Collioure. According to Matisse, the sky is nowhere as blue as in Collioure. Collioure attracted famous impressionists in the last century and the place is still loved by artists. Take beautiful pictures of the pastel-colored houses, the market, the bay and the picturesque streets in the old town. Now that you are staying so close to the Spanish border, the surrealistic Dalí Museum in Figueres is actually a must. Legendary! An hour's drive inland, the fortified town of Villefrance de Conflent is highly recommended. Previously of strategic importance because it was on the border of France and Spain. The defenses have ensured that Villefrance de Conflent still retains its medieval character. Spend a day in this unspoilt medieval town and wander through the small streets with artisanal art shops and imagine yourself in the past. Experience your holiday at Camping La Coste Rouge the way you want. Sports, lazing or on the road, everything is possible!

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  3. Apartements Estartit Playa

    The Estartit Playa holiday park offers you the perfect setting for a well-deserved beach holiday in Estartit with your family. Relax on the wide sandy beach, take a dip in the cool water, do sports and stroll along the water line. The nearest beach is not far, just 250 m from the holiday park is a beautiful, wide sandy beach with a diving center. For freshwater sailors or a little cooling off in between, the Estartit Playa holiday park also offers a small pool with a children's pool per building. At the end of the day, the brightly colored apartment provides a peaceful setting to relax and prepare for the evening. You can walk to restaurants and shops.

    Surrounded by hills and a variety of beaches with a fantastic view of the Medes Islands, which are only 2 kilometers away and are ideal for a (diving) excursion by boat. The many seaside resorts on the Costa Brava have been immensely popular for years, such as Platja d'Aro or the beautiful Tossa de Mar with its old walled village center. The cultural cities of Barcelona (approx. 2 hours by car) and Girona (approx. 45 minutes by car) make sightseeing and shopping hearts beat faster. In Cadaqués you will find the former house of the famous painter Salvador Dali, which has since been converted into a museum.

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  4. Orbitur Rio Alto

    Camping Rio Alto is located at the centre of the Costa Verde in Río Alto, Estela, close to the city of Póvoa de Varzim and not far from Porto. The caravan park offers you excellent facilities and direct access to the white sand beach. So don't wait any longer - come and take a refreshing dive!

    Camping Rio Alto's facilities The caravan park offers you everything you need for perfect family holiday:

    • Large outdoor swimming pool
    (Opening period approx 01/06 - 30/09)

    • Bar, restaurant and snack bar

    • Direct access to the beach

    The many facilities make this an ideal destination for children:

    • Lovely children's playground

    • Roofed over areas with a variety of games

    • Cycle hire

    You can play golf right next to the caravan park!

    Your stay at Camping Rio Alto You stay in one of the two types of mobile homes has on offer at the caravan park. Both types of mobile home are modern and spacious - and, moreover, both are equipped with a patio and sun loungers.

    Camping Rio Alto's surroundings You reach the beautiful sand beach via a path and an underpass. Póvoa de Varzim is a historic city where the ocean has always played an important role: sea trade and fishing enabled the city to develop. Nowadays you can enjoy delicious fish dishes in the local restaurants. And, of course, you really must visit Porto, with its historic city centre and spectacular river mouth opening into the sea. Another highlight is a visit to the port cellars in Vilanova de Gaia. Also worth your while: a visit to the appealing seaside resorts of Ofir and Esposende.

    Enjoy everything the Costa Verde has to offer you by booking with! Stay at a well-cared for caravan park at the coast located in real Portuguese surroundings. Visit Porto and other cities in the neighbourhood - and enjoy the sun, sea and, of course, the delicious food and drinks every day of your stay!

    WIFI: in the common areas (like the restaurant) free to use.

    In all types a coffee machine (instead of coffee filter)

    Bar: Whole year open (no exceptions anymore)
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  5. Château La Forêt

    Celebrating holidays on the estate of a real French castle? Go to Camping Château La Forêt in the Vendée for peace, space, nature and the Atlantic Ocean just 15 minutes away! Two nice swimming pools, fishing lakes, a climbing course in the woods, a paintball field and a show in the evening. The whole family, from young to old, will have a fantastic holiday here!

    Do you have children with a lot of energy? That's convenient! At Camping Château la Forêt you will experience all sorts of adventures throughout the day. Sneak your opponents on the paintball field, swing on the cable car in the climbing forest, splash off the waterslide or catch your first fish in one of the fishing lakes. Active little ones will jump on the trampoline for hours. In the meantime, are you working on your own fitness on the tennis court or would you prefer to participate in aqua aerobics? Do not be afraid of muscle pain that will be no more with a massage! And at night? First a tasty dinner in the restaurant and then the whole family can go dancing in the disco.

    Out & About To stay with the castle theme, go to Le Château des Aventuriers. Discover the secrets of the castle, go hunting for the pirate treasure or find the dino's, this is very suitable for young children. Château la Forêt is 15 minutes from the sea, so plan some sunny beach days and explore the beautiful resorts along the coast. The Lac du Jaunay, ten minutes away, is a beautiful place for a canoe trip and a paradise for anglers. The absolute highlight for your children is the theme park Puy du Fou. The hour’s journey is worth it. The shows are particularly spectacular.
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  6. Les Almadies

    Ideally located in the La Tranche-sur-Mer commune and just 2km from the stunning Vendée coastline, Camping Les Almadies is a mid-sized campsite providing all you need for a typical camping holiday in France. With numerous fine sandy beaches on your doorstep, you can enjoy an escape in the midst of unspoilt Atlantic shores.

    The resort boasts impressive aquatic facilities and includes an indoor heated pool with four slides, a paddling pool for little swimmers and a relaxing Jacuzzi area. The uncovered outdoor pool is accompanied by another paddling pool.

    If the kids haven’t tired themselves out at the pool, they can make their way to the playground for a good time on the swings and chutes. A selection of sports and games are also available onsite including petanque and table tennis. The energetic and friendly staff run an exciting Children’s Club where 4-12 years olds can enjoy many games, activities and competitions before returning to their families with beaming smiles.

    The camping is served by a selection of convenient facilities including a bread delivery service, which comes in handy at breakfast time. The restaurant and takeaway provide tasty meals for lunches and dinners, while the snack bar is open throughout the day for snacks and treats. Alternatively, you can shop at the grocery store and buy ingredients for a meal cooked at your accommodation. Better yet, hire a BBQ and get some sausages sizzling!

    A range of mobile home providing a place to stay for up to parties of six travels can be found onsite. Each mobile home features decking from where you can enjoy the sun. On the inside, you will find comfortable living spaces and well-equipped amenities. For a more rustic holiday, opt for a stay in a tent or book a pitch and bring your own.

    Around Les Almadies Camping

    La Tranche-sur-Mer is one of Vendée’s most popular resorts due to its long stretches of beautiful beaches. Being so close to the sea affords visitors the chance to engage in many water sports such as sea kayaking, paddle boarding, kite surfing and sailing.

    The resort overlooks the Ile de Re, and you can enjoy a relaxing boat trip around the peninsula and out to the impressive Fort Boyard. In the evening, the resort comes alive with live music and street entertainment

    The city of La Rochelle is La Rochelle is an hour’s drive away and is fascinating for a day out. Its historical past is very much evident in the fortresses that you can see, some of which you can visit. The island of Ile de Re can also be reached from here and is worth visiting if only to try its delicious seafood!

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  7. La Dune Blanche

    Sometimes you don't have to drive that far to get away from it all. Just a few hours' drive from the Netherlands lies the simple but excellent La Dune Blanche campsite, not far from the border with Belgium.

    Here you come to go to the beach, enjoy nature and the cosy seaside resorts. A great base to explore the Picardy region!

    Green surroundings Camping La Dune Blanche is nice and green and the facilities well catered to your needs. There is, among other things:

    • Swimming pool with children's pool
    • Table tennis and boules
    • Playground for the little ones
    • Bar with terrace

    The north of France Camping La Dune Blanche is located in the Picardy region in northern France. This wonderful region is the perfect base for your holiday and lots on offer to make some memorable day-trips. A real highlight with the kids is the nearby Aqualud water park. The site is no less than 4000 m² in size and you can splash, slide, bubble and sunbathe. There is a Kid's Lagoon for young children up to 6 years old and a Kid's Island for children up to 8 years old. Another family attraction in Boulogne-sur-Mer, is the Nasicaá aquarium. Combine it with a visit to the old centre that dates from the Middle Ages. Le Touquet-Paris-Plage is a 15 minute drive away where many wealthy Parisians built their country house at the beginning of the last century. As there were few building codes at the time, there are a lot of weird constructions, also called follies. It is still a sophisticated resort with nice tourist shops, chic restaurants and haute couture boutiques. Enjoy browsing!

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